Bonding Ideas Dad Will Love

Dad may not go out and say it, but he could be feeling lost, confused and seriously left out. Share this advice for bridging the gap between partner and father.

Lower your expectations

Think fatherhood means love at first sight? Not always. “When you first lay eyes on your baby, there’s this fairy-tale expectation that you’ll feel an instant connection,” says Fred Goodall, publisher of MochaDad.com, a website aimed to help men become better dads. “But it doesn’t happen that way for all dads. You might feel overwhelmed and even empty — and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you; you just met the kid! The connection comes from holding him and feeding him and just hanging out. And it will come.”

You can’t start too soon

“When my wife was pregnant, I made up a song with his name in it and I would sing it to her tummy,” says Chris Pegula, founder of DiaperDude.com. “He would actually move toward me at the sound of my voice. It was awesome! I’d play piano too, and my son would move around in there like crazy.”

The cool thing is babies can hear in the womb and may recognize dad’s voice and songs postbirth. But even if dad’s not musically inclined, he can find a way to participate in the pregnancy — maybe by choosing the perfect car seat or cooking pregnancy-friendly meals. “Getting involved during her pregnancy laid the foundation for me to feel like I had an important parenting role from the beginning,” Pegula says. Of course, it’s never too late either, so even if dad didn’t bond with baby in utero, it’s not like he’s missed his chance.

Simple is good

“Dads will say to me, ‘I just don’t know what to do with my baby,’” Goodall says. “You don’t have to have any grand agenda. You can watch TV or listen to music and just hold him. Let him feel your heartbeat and get to know your voice and your scent. Newborns aren’t very demanding. They just want to be close to you.”

Take over a few feedings

“Evenings were my time to give my wife a break from long days of breastfeeding,” says Pegula. “I got to bond while feeding my son a bottle and played him my favorite classic rock and R&B. I’d sing to him too, and talk about all the fun things we would do together once he was bigger.” Remember: Soon enough, your baby will be picking the music, so enjoy these Wiggles-free days while they last.

Don’t be shy

It’s normal for a guy to be downright scared of being in charge of baby. “A lot of dads admit to me — in private of course — that they’re afraid of breaking the baby,” says Goodall. “I tell them dads have been ‘not-breaking’ babies since the caveman days.” True, dad might sometimes be a little rougher than mom, but that can actually be good for baby, who thrives on a variety of stimulation and should be exposed to different personalities.

Let loose

Dads should feel free to get silly. Pegula says another favorite activity was putting his son in his swing and then standing in front of him. “Each time the swing would fly forward I’d duck, then when it swung back I’d pop up with a silly face and sound,” he says. “My son’s giggle was the most rewarding sound I’d ever heard. And honestly, it’s fun to allow yourself to be a kid sometimes.” And hey, if you’re on your own with baby, your wife won’t even roll her eyes at your immaturity! Score.

Hit the home gym together

“Babies make great hand weights,” says Pegula. “I’d dance and do squats and bicep curls holding them, and walk around the neighborhood with them strapped to me in a carrier. In addition to the exercise, it was nice having them close to my heart.” That fixes that problem of not having any time to work out, doesn’t it?